S-10CREWCAB.NET

Older peoples on the board, can i ask you a question???


What is it with 20ish year old people as of right now??? Im by far no angel, but I raised with love by my family, with a sizable helping of "belt" whenever I asked for it. I am pretty sure this has contributed to my decent upbringing, but it seems every time I turn around here at college, whether its my "friends" or my roommates, they are either using someone, screwing someone, or downright defecating all over others??? They don't have any responsibility, accountability, nor care for the well being of those that would help them the most. Sorry for the rant, but sometimes its nice to vent.

I have three roommates who all agreed before we signed for our apartment, that they were clean people, and enjoyed keeping their places respectable. Well, 9 weeks later, they haven't touched a thing, messes lay, toilets stain, and showers wont drain. I spent my entire weekend cleaning the sess pool ( as I have done once before this year already) and come home from class yesterday, tired, hungry, and grouchy, to find piss all over our toilet seat. I lost it, and went off. I just cant wrap my mind around this kind of ignorance, and no, im not OCD. I understand things just happen sometimes and not everything is perfect, but this is ludicrous. Where is the respect for others and any sense of pride??? I have long since learned before this, that as they do, people will exploit you fully, and move on, but why your friends???

My other roommates dad brings home a salary of over 300K a year as a big wig for an airline deal. Yet, he has no car, pays no insurance, and yet, has the gall to ask me constantly( along with the other roommates) for rides here, there, and everywhere else, and scold me when I ask for a little donation to the gas fund( I have a car, that I bought, pay insurance for, and fill the tank on, and maintain) and tell me "they thought we were friends". Is it wrong for me to pass a little judgement on him, knowing his dad is sleeping on mountains of cash??? I don't make myself a burden to him, so why does he burden me???

ok im done, must get back to studying

In most cases the blame lies with the parents. In most cases, but not all. People teach there kids that the world is supposed to revolve around them, not that they're part of a bigger picture, or (and this one seems to be more popular) they don't teach them at all.

I totally understand your frustration. I guess you could say I'm a youth pastor/leader at my local church (I used to be alot more involved, but things have tapered off in recent months. It's strictly volunteer work, not a paid position. I deal mostly with teenagers (13 and up). Some of these kids I teach, or that come to our activities amaze me. But their parents amaze me even more. Some of their parents are totally uninvolved in their lives. They don't provide any type of leadership whatsoever. It's really frustrating to me, as someone who is trying to work with these kids, for their parents to counter my efforts with negligence.

If I were you, I'd set an ultimatum, or find new roommates.

Walt wrote:In most cases the blame lies with the parents. In most cases, but not all. People teach there kids that the world is supposed to revolve around them, not that they're part of a bigger picture, or (and this one seems to be more popular) they don't teach them at all.

I totally understand your frustration. I guess you could say I'm a youth pastor/leader at my local church (I used to be alot more involved, but things have tapered off in recent months. It's strictly volunteer work, not a paid position. I deal mostly with teenagers (13 and up). Some of these kids I teach, or that come to our activities amaze me. But their parents amaze me even more. Some of their parents are totally uninvolved in their lives. They don't provide any type of leadership whatsoever. It's really frustrating to me, as someone who is trying to work with these kids, for their parents to counter my efforts with negligence.

If I were you, I'd set an ultimatum, or find new roommates.

God bless ya! Yah, I know what you mean, and unfortunately the world doesnt revolve around me either. I just wish these people could understand that when I ask them to do something, its not out of demand or me being their boss, it's me holding them accountable, thinking that in turn, they will hold ME accountable, as I have equal responsibilty as them. I finally gave them an ultimatum, and they tell me "i come on too strong, and they pay the rent too". My response was "well I do too, so why should I have to sit on a nasty toilet seat???" I will agree, I am outspoken, but when they wont say anything based on how they feel, NOR come up with a happy alternative, what else is one supposed to do?? As far as new roommates go, its already in the planning stages!

Unfortunately for my wealthier roommate, I think you might have hit the nail on the head. His dad is extremely nice and very well educated, yet he looks at his son( my roommate) as a purely financial investment, which makes no sense, as they are extremely conservative christians, yet the Bible preaches not to be a hord, nor a lover of money... everyone faces these things, but there has got to be a way to handle this in a civil, yet assured way to realize some results. All I want these people to do is be better people, and AT THE SAME TIME, help make me a better person. Thank God I realize that im in this too...

Has nothing to do with people of your age. You just happened to pick some poor roommates. A few years ago i was living in an apartment while going to school, there were 4 of us in a 3 bedroom place with two bathrooms. We were 19-21 during our 2 years there and the place was almost always clean. Sure we had days where one of us would get irritated 'cus dishes weren't done (in teh sink, but not washed), or the place needed to be vacuumed, but we all pitched in and kept the place presentable.

My girlfriend is still in school and she goes to one of her friend's apt every day, she says she has to be very conscious of where she sits 'cus there's stuff all over the place.

Some people dont' mind the mess, some do.... sounds like you need to find new roomies if it's a big deal to you.

I don't think that you're expecting too much with driving all over the place and wanting some sort of $$ to cover some of the cost. Whenever Rachael (my girlfriend) gets a ride to some field trip, she makes sure she's got $5 or $10 to chip in for gas. Usually her friends do the same when she drives (although she drives the blazer, so it eats up about $40 in gas )

As far as passing judgement on your roommates... leave that up to the big man upstairs. You've put yourself in the situation, and if they're not the type of roommates you want to be living with, it's on your shoulders to get out of the situation... you can't expect them to change for you.

Jigg wrote:Has nothing to do with people of your age. You just happened to pick some poor roommates. A few years ago i was living in an apartment while going to school, there were 4 of us in a 3 bedroom place with two bathrooms. We were 19-21 during our 2 years there and the place was almost always clean. Sure we had days where one of us would get irritated 'cus dishes weren't done (in teh sink, but not washed), or the place needed to be vacuumed, but we all pitched in and kept the place presentable.

My girlfriend is still in school and she goes to one of her friend's apt every day, she says she has to be very conscious of where she sits 'cus there's stuff all over the place.

Some people dont' mind the mess, some do.... sounds like you need to find new roomies if it's a big deal to you.

I don't think that you're expecting too much with driving all over the place and wanting some sort of $$ to cover some of the cost. Whenever Rachael (my girlfriend) gets a ride to some field trip, she makes sure she's got $5 or $10 to chip in for gas. Usually her friends do the same when she drives (although she drives the blazer, so it eats up about $40 in gas )

As far as passing judgement on your roommates... leave that up to the big man upstairs. You've put yourself in the situation, and if they're not the type of roommates you want to be living with, it's on your shoulders to get out of the situation... you can't expect them to change for you.

You are correct, Its not my place to judge them, nor is it my place to change them, however, I dont feel I conciously made poor choices of roommates, at the time and I do believe theres a problem as a whole, at least in the Indiana region. Perhaps this is an oasis for lazy asses??? They gave me their word before we ever signed up, and I told them all, I wouldnt be pleasant if we all didnt do our part... and now here we are. You see what Im saying? Had they all just said "look, we dont really care what the place looks like" I would have known to move along and find different roommates... now Im in the predicament Im in, and no way to just leave and of course, thats not a mature way to handle things either. Is it wrong however, for me to want to make them more responsible? I really am looking for a mature way to handle this, thought maybe the older crowd here might have some good ideas...

I don't think the issue here is just being messy. From what I gather, it's basic cleanliness. Regardless of how well they keep their rooms clean, or pickup after themselves, being unsanitary shouldn't be tolerated. I got that from the part about the toilets and showers.

I second Jigg. If they refuse to atleast make an effort to be sanitary, and your efforts to shape them up fail, replace them. I would get them all together, sit down, and express your concerns. The way to keep this civilized and make it work is to keep your cool no matter what. The way civilized dicussion ends, and fights start is because one person gets agitated, and that starts a chain reaction. Keep your voice level, and responses relevant. And be patient. This approach usually works. It has so far with all of the kids and parents I've dealt with over the past few years.

My father-in-law, who is sometimes prone to raise his voice, told me once that I frustrate him more than anyone he knows because if we get into an argument or discussion, and he raises his voice, I always keep mine level. It allows the other person vent a bit, but keeps the lines of communication open.

Ok, I'm done with my Dr. Phil advice for the year.

I think it's more an issue of respect for yourself and others....it seems to me that these dudes just hove no respect for their roommates or their home. Maybe they see it as a dumping ground...

Gair

given the oppertunity, there are plenty of people that will take advantage of you. be glad you learned this now when it all it cost you was some dirty dishes and a little piss on the toilet seat.

The way I see it you have one thing to be thankful for. Your parents did a good job razing YOU. I teach my son to help others. I always tell him to help the little guy or under achiever. You’re not your roommate’s mother. Your not there to clean up after them. Make up a weekly list of chores and make them stick to it, if you work together its easier on everyone. If this doesn’t work then I'd put out the word that I'm looking for other living arrangements.

yes i do, i even called home and told my parents "thanks for tannin my hide every once in a while, its all making sense now"...

like i said, im already lookin elsewhere for new roommates. I just dont see a need to be disgusting. Even poor people can be sanitary. (college=poor in my case)

i tell ya the only thing i wish my parents would have taught me is that theres a limit to how much you can help others. "cant help those who dont help themselves" is what I live by anymore...ive got burned/still get burned to this day, because i offer a hand. its sad to think that at my young age im already losing faith in the general public, but what else is there to do? i think this is "LIFE" and I just need to learn how to get through these things.
not saying that im sheltered, but I never cease to be amazed...

I have been following this topic today and chose to remain silent. I do have a couple of thoughts about it though.

1. I believe your parents have done something "very right" with you
2. Even very close friends that you have known for years and have witnessed their own behavior at home can turn into something else in school

I know it is not any help with you current situation but, taking time to choose room mates may put you in the same situation as you are now. I faintly remember all the time restraints involved when trying to find a place in school but, I was a little older and tried to seek out fellow veterans to room with.

I guess the bottom line is.....even the best of friends will have their "times" when rooming together. Maybe something like a prenup is in order

being in this 20 something crowd i can offer my views on this topic. this lazyness and lack of respect IS representative of todays typical youth. as i finish my last (5th) year of college it's ever apparent where society is going, and it is not good.

the youth of today, the future of society, have a slanted view of what life should be like. mostly because of the constant media bombardment they face through TV, magazines, music, and the internet. kids see these things and think everyone should be driving nice cars, wearing the nicest (most expensive) clothes, having cell phones (I'm talking like middle schoolers!), going to parties, staying out late, drinking (at any age), doing drugs (at any age), sleeping with multiple partners (at any age), not having a job because it will interfere with their social life, getting money for free from their parents anytime they want, no respect for elders or authoritative figures, no respect for the law (if it feels good, do it), the list could go on and on


quick example, I'm doing some pre-student teaching at a local highschool and i tought a lesson and gave the kids an assignment. one student (preppy kid, coller popped, obviously well off, thought he was untouchable) sat and was talking to other students doing their homework. i went over to him and asked him to please get his assignment out and start it. he looked me and asked what "MY" problem was. i again asked him to get out his homework and start on it. he responded by asking me if i was going to make him and if i wanted to fight?!?!? mind you this kid is maybe 5'4" and around 120lbs, i just stared at him in disbelief

question for some of you more veteran members......when you were in school would you have dared to question your teacher like that?

The good news is that there are Respectful, level headed, dare I say Ambitious "20 somethings" in the world to pave the way, if you will, for others.....to show them that another path in life is available to them via effort and knowledge.

They'll all come around eventually......hopefully.

Gair

bwenny247 wrote:.....................question for some of you more veteran members......when you were in school would you have dared to question your teacher like that?

Nope! I dropped out with 3 months left (with passing grades) to graduation and would have never challenged a teacher like that. Luckily, I had a good commanding officer that prompted me to get my GED overseas. I returned and the combination of the GI Bill and 4 (yes, at the same time) part time jobs, I made it thru college.

There were peers in my time that would have done that though.

My $.02 is everyone is right in this thread. There are some really messed up kids these days, but there are also alot of good ones. They could be bad because their parents dropped the ball, or possibly, society dropped the ball- Nowadays, a parent gets thrown in jail for giving a kid a spaking, when the kid did something wrong, because some other person finds it offensive and abusive. I was in your shoes, Purdue, about 10 years ago. I had 3 roomates. Everything was a mess until the next year. 2 of the 3 roommates were actually not to bad at trying to help, but they would get sidetracked by the 3rd roommate. With some persuasion from me, we asked the one guy to find a different place the next year. The next year we not only got a bigger place but added 3 new roommates that suited our lifestyle, (clean, realitively drug free, non-lazy, respectful of others). My advise, try to work it out, but if it doesn't, find new roommates---And possibly make the new roommate the girl from your post of your grille guard!!!!

WVHogRider wrote:My $.02 is everyone is right in this thread. There are some really messed up kids these days, but there are also alot of good ones. They could be bad because their parents dropped the ball, or possibly, society dropped the ball- Nowadays, a parent gets thrown in jail for giving a kid a spaking, when the kid did something wrong, because some other person finds it offensive and abusive. I was in your shoes, Purdue, about 10 years ago. I had 3 roomates. Everything was a mess until the next year. 2 of the 3 roommates were actually not to bad at trying to help, but they would get sidetracked by the 3rd roommate. With some persuasion from me, we asked the one guy to find a different place the next year. The next year we not only got a bigger place but added 3 new roommates that suited our lifestyle, (clean, realitively drug free, non-lazy, respectful of others). My advise, try to work it out, but if it doesn't, find new roommates---And possibly make the new roommate the girl from your post of your grille guard!!!!

you read my mind haha

question for some of you more veteran members......when you were in school would you have dared to question your teacher like that?

If I would have been DUMB enough to to try that on any on my teachers, I would have
1. Been sent to the principal's office (by female teachers) where I would have had an introduction to the "BOARD of education", If it was a male teacher, I would have had an introduction to the (BOARD of education) in front of the whole class.
2. When iI got home, what I would have got would have made what I recieved at school seem like a smack on the wrist.

Haha I know what you mean. When it came to school discipline, I always got the two for one discount.

UPDATE:


So heres why being the responsible person DOESNT PAY OFF:

last sunday after getting back to school, i noticed my throat being sore and my left tonsil feeling a lil bigger than supposed to. Woke up monday with some pretty good pain when trying to swallow water.
Tuesday: After visiting doctor, and getting medication, no change. Tuesday night was horrible. Didnt sleep at all.
Wednesday: Back at doctor, told them to find the problem at all cost, they gave me a shot of rocephin in my butt cheek, and augmentin twice a day orally.
Wednesday night: Worst night ever. Woke up soaked in sweat four times, throat felt like hell.
Thursday morning: Back to the urgent care( campus hospital). They put 3 liters of water in my system via an IV, and I still didnt have to go to the bathroom , I was that dehydrated. Codiene cough syrup to ease the pain supposedly, and I had a temp of 103.
Thursday night was alrite, but throat still hurting worse.
This morning: back to doctor, pain is unbearable. Finds out the one ulcer on my tonsil was not alone, I now had two more on my tongue. Im tellin ya, these SOB's hurt and make eating/drinking impossible.

What did I have you ask? Coxsackie Virus. How do you get it you may ask? Well for one, after being in contact with human waste, for instance on a toilet seat, while attemping to clean the entire apartment, so that it is at least barable.

Talk about absolutely disgusting. Im so mad right now, I havent said a word, nor do I even know what to say to the two nasty roomates. All I wanted to do was make the place presentable for my parents and this is what I get out of it. I have medical proof now, that they get waste all over the toilet seat

So far, im in this over $330. Just because that dirty piece of crap lives like a nasty slob. Not to mention ive missed an exam, hw, and team meetings for another class. Anyone have suggestions of what to do, say, before I just cut em? I have a sharp hatchet...

New roommate time, and have the old ones pay for the bills.

PPE.

You failed to take the proper safety precautions. At a minimum it would include a HEPA mask, gloves, eye protection and gown.

Adequite ventilation during the process.

Proper decontamination procedures after completion.

ya your right, I only wore rubber gloves, used bleach, and washed my hands. I honestly dont know how it happened... BUT the roommates could just use a little better aim, and if thats impossible, clean up their own mess. I still dont know what Im going/if Im going to say anything.

Don't say anything, just hand them the bill!