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HenryJ wrote:Material Data Safety Sheet (MSDS)
Revised: 8/26/2006

Hazardous Materials Information Systems
Material Safety Data Sheet: Woman - A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: Wo (Pronounced "Woe"; in primitive cultures -- "Woo Woo")
DISCOVERER: Adam
TYPE: Irrational Element
ATOMIC MASS: Generally accepted as 118
VARIATIONS: Isotopes identified with weights ranging from 95 to 300

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. A large number of allotropic forms have been observed
2. Transparency, hardness, color/shading vary within wide limits
3. The color exhibited by many specimens is a surface phenomenon
4. Most color variations are due to various types of strongly adhering powder
5. Some exposed surfaces may also be covered with painted film, lotions and/or creams
6. Thickness of all extracellular substances appear to increase with specimen's age
7. Caution: Exposed hair on some specimens may not be natural color
8. The boiling point for some is quite low, and may boil w/o apparent reason
9. Some specimens may also freeze without warning/reason, or at any moment
10. All varieties can melt, but only if given special and individualized treatment
11. Bitter if incorrectly used
12. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
13. Yields to pressure applied to correct points
14. The vast majority of specimens do not age gracefully
15. Both stable and unstable unions have been described with the element man

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones
2. Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances
3. Seemingly unlimited quantities of expensive food can be absorbed
4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with the element man
5. Insoluble in most liquids; Wo absorbs many liquids without dissolving in them
6. Activity may greatly increase upon saturation in alcohol
7. Most powerful money-reducing agent known
8. Some specimens appear to react well to being wrapped in animal fur
9. Others bristle against any type of fur (warmth apparently not a factor)

OCCURRENCE:

1. Abundant in nature and is found in both the free and combined states
2. Oftentimes found combined with the element Man
3. Many (as yet unexplained) regional differences in appearance and behavior

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Useful as a tonic in the alleviation of suffering, sickness, and low spirits
4. Wide application in the arts and domestic sciences
5. Very efficacious cooking and cleaning agent

TESTS:

1. Studies complicated by the fact that residual attraction is never satisfied
2. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
3. In general, they tend to explode spontaneously if in conflict with the element man
4. Turns green when placed beside better or more polished specimen

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Can be unstable and/or explosive
3. May be affected by phases of the moon, or nothing at all
4. High Maintainence item

LOCAL/STATE/FEDERAL LAWS:

1. Illegal to own more than one specimen outright at a time
2. Disposal laws are complex and extremely costly
3. Some select specimens are acceptable for recycling

VARIATIONS: Isotopes identified with weights ranging from 95 to 300